1
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:12,450
Describe it to me again?

2
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:14,450
It's the, erm... You know,

3
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:17,450
it's the big chunky chain that the
mayor wears on special occasions.

4
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:20,450
It lets everyone know he's the mayor.

5
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:23,450
- And this is where he lost it?
- So he says.

6
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:25,450
Why would he wear it here?

7
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:27,450
Your guess is as good as mine.

8
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:30,500
It's probably best not to
think too much about it.

9
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,450
Do you think that's
what the mayor was doing?

10
00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:27,970
Which one?

11
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:30,970
That one.

12
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,970
Possibly.

13
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:38,450
Maybe not exactly that but
certainly along those lines.

14
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,450
Do you think he was wearing his
chain when he was doing it?

15
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,170
I suppose so.

16
00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:45,450
What for?

17
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:48,240
Probably gives him a sense of power.

18
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:53,970
- Can we go home now?
- Yeah.

19
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:58,500
Don't want to stick around here
any longer than we have to.

20
00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:11,040
She's going to catch her death.

21
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,450
Oh, Lance. Hello.

22
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:20,450
Sophie! Hello.

23
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,450
- What you up to?
- Just, er...

24
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:24,570
Oh, I was just, erm...

25
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,450
...picking up a few things.

26
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:28,450
Nice flowers.

27
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:32,450
Yeah, yeah, brighten the place up a bit.

28
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:35,450
- What kind of...?
- Freesias, I think.

29
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:37,450
And chocolates?

30
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:40,450
Yeah, give myself a little treat.

31
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,950
- Why not?
- Exactly!

32
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,900
Can you smell the early '90s?

33
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,070
Nope.

34
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,450
Anyway, good to see you.

35
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,270
Yeah, you too.

36
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,600
Enjoy the chocolates.

37
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:05,600
- Sorry?
- Chocolates.

38
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,140
Yeah, yeah.

39
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,500
Your phone's ringing.

40
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,450
It's Sophie.

41
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,440
Can you answer it?
I'm up to my elbows.

42
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,450
Hi, Sophie, it's Becky.

43
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:34,450
Yes, he's changing a nappy.

44
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:35,970
All right.

45
00:04:37,450 --> 00:04:38,450
Hang on.

46
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,450
Sophie's just bumped into Lance

47
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:43,450
and she thinks something's
about to go down.

48
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,770
- Like what?
- Like what?

49
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:51,350
She saw him in the supermarket
buying all the materials

50
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,450
required to make a romantic evening.

51
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:56,450
Oh, God, he must have got the
instructions off the internet.

52
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:58,450
I've got to wash my
hands. What was he buying?

53
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:00,440
What was he buying?

54
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,450
Flowers, chocolates, aftershave.

55
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,450
What kind?

56
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:07,450
Freesias, Ferrero Rocher, Fahrenheit.

57
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:08,450
Christ.

58
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:12,450
Hello? You still got the
suspect in your sights?

59
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:15,350
All right, follow at a discrete
distance and report back.

60
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,450
Oh, and Sophie? Be safe.

61
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,450
You are a bunch of kids.

62
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,450
We're just concerned about him,

63
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:23,450
we don't want him to
make a fool of himself.

64
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:27,450
Mm, because you're an
expert in that field?

65
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:30,850
Listen, tomorrow night, shall we go out?
Just the two of us?

66
00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:33,350
Yeah, OK. What's brought this on?

67
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,450
Nothing's brought this on, I'm only
suggesting going to a restaurant.

68
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,450
Cool. Who'll babysit?

69
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,450
- Well, let's face it...
- Your mum?

70
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,450
- She's free. - Course she is,
she doesn't have any friends.

71
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,250
I meant she doesn't cost anything.

72
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:47,450
Oh, yeah, sorry.

73
00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,450
She is his grandmother.

74
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,650
I just wish we didn't have
to rely on her so much.

75
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:55,750
Well, I think I've got a plan
to deal with her.

76
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,450
Murder? Really? OK.

77
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,450
- Not murder. - I know someone.
I can make a phone call.

78
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:03,040
Not murder!

79
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,600
- Oh, look, it's Forrest Gump.
- Oh, yeah.

80
00:07:19,450 --> 00:07:20,450
Hello.

81
00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,450
We were just looking for something.

82
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,450
Yeah, I... I... I lost something.

83
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:27,450
- I don't think we'll ever find it, do you?
- No, no, I don't.

84
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:30,450
- Was it valuable?
- What?

85
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:31,450
The thing you lost.

86
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,450
No, no, very cheap.

87
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:36,450
Oh, well, we should just call it a
day. I think we're just going to

88
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,700
...call it a day.
- Yeah.

89
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,450
Who was that?

90
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,500
Er, I don't know, but
they were spying on you.

91
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:51,450
Oh. Hello.

92
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,365
Hello.

93
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:57,350
- How are you?
- Yeah, bot bad, good. Yourself?

94
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,670
Good.

95
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,550
- Should we...?
- Yeah. OK.

96
00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:29,450
- 'It's quite reasonable.
- No, it's horrible.

97
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,450
'It's not horrible, it can be... Imagine,

98
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,970
'it looks like a white horse. '

99
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,450
About 22, 23, blonde.

100
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:41,350
- Yeah, that's her. Did he see you?
- No, but shed did. I'm shit spying.

101
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:42,450
Well, that's already been established.

102
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,650
But he dumped the
chocolates and the flowers?

103
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:48,450
Yep, but the smell of aftershave
was very much still in the air.

104
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:50,450
It's amazing, isn't it?

105
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:54,950
All the information at
our fingertips these days.

106
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,450
Oh, it certainly is, Sheila.

107
00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:01,250
The things Terry gets
up to on his computer.

108
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:04,450
- Do you know where he sent
an e-mail last week? - Where?

109
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,450
- New Zealand.
- Yeah?

110
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,450
Terry!

111
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:12,450
- Please, Terry. Hugh's
cousin is a mechanic. - No.

112
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,450
Terry, tell them where you sent

113
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,450
an e-mail last week.

114
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,450
- New Zealand.
- Told you.

115
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:22,450
Yeah, easy, really.
Just a click of a button.

116
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,450
Friends that we met in the
Peak District on holiday.

117
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,450
Rory and Simone.

118
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,050
- And have you heard back?
- Not yet.

119
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,900
So, let us show you what we've turned up.

120
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,240
Sorry I'm late.

121
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:44,700
Had to, er... do something.

122
00:09:46,350 --> 00:09:47,450
You smell nice.

123
00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:49,450
OK, so we're pretty sure

124
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,450
that this is the same
view of the round tower,

125
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,450
because of this window here.

126
00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:57,450
And the photograph would have
been taken round about here,

127
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:58,450
looking in this direction, pretty much

128
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,450
...where we parked the cars the other day.
- So that's just farmland,

129
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,150
that's actually on our permission.
We haven't got to that field yet,

130
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,650
...but it's definitely on the same farm.
- No.

131
00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:08,700
No, you're in the wrong place.

132
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,450
No, we're not. What do you mean?

133
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:14,450
- Yeah, you're on the wrong side
of the church. - How do you know?

134
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,450
Well, look at the motorbike.

135
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:19,500
Numbers on the plate back to
front. Image has been reversed.

136
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,650
Good God, you're right!

137
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,450
Window should be on the
other side of the tower.

138
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:29,450
Need to be here.

139
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:33,450
But unfortunately, we don't have
permission to detect in that field.

140
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,450
- Oh, dear.
- What?

141
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,450
Russell, did you ever get a chance

142
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:41,450
to look for the mayor's chain of office?

143
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,450
We tried, but we couldn't stomach
it. It's horrible up there.

144
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:46,750
Well, I think you're going to
have to find the courage to go back

145
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,450
because unless I'm very
much mistaken, this land...

146
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:52,450
belongs to none other
than the mayor himself.

147
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:55,250
So... Russel, Hugh,

148
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:58,450
your mission is
to find the chain, return it

149
00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:01,450
and, in lieu of the
afore-promised donation,

150
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:05,250
see if you can persuade the mayor
to let us detect on his farm.

151
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,950
Do we have to? It is putrid up there.

152
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,450
Hugh saw some things up there
that such young eyes should never

153
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:13,450
have to witness. He hasn't
spoken about it since.

154
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:16,465
- Oh, come on, man up, Russell.
- You go!

155
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,650
- Wouldn't be seen dead
in those woods. - Exactly.

156
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:21,250
At least not until you
were properly decomposed.

157
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:23,450
- Russ!
- I wouldn't be surprised

158
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:26,350
if both Hugh and me
have caught an infection.

159
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,050
Wear protective clothing!

160
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:32,450
Come on, chaps, steel yourselves,
this one's for the club.

161
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,450
I mean,

162
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:37,170
we could even pop round there now.

163
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:40,450
We'll go in the morning.

164
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:50,350
What, where all the cars go and park
up after dark, and they go...?

165
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:51,450
Exactly.

166
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:55,450
Well, what was the mayor doing
up there in his chains of office?

167
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:58,500
Well, maybe that's how he gets
his kicks. Takes all sorts.

168
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,450
Terry likes to wear his...

169
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:04,450
Lance doesn't need to...
Nobody needs to...

170
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:05,450
Ah, here we are.

171
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:06,950
I'll pay for these.

172
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,450
Now, so we got a JD and C,

173
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,450
G and slimline T, three pints of numbers

174
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,900
and a Dubonnet and lemonade.

175
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,450
- How much is that?
- 24.50.

176
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:19,500
Keep that. Cheers.

177
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:24,450
So, Sheila, do you want to get out
in the fields with a metal detector?

178
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:29,600
Oh, gosh no, Peter, I couldn't
think of anything more tedious.

179
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,450
Even so, you have a great
percentage of female club members.

180
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,450
Well, I should say we've
probably got above average.

181
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:44,050
And we also got two lesbians and an Asian.
Very proud.

182
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:48,550
Louise and Varde are also women,
Terry, they're not just lesbians.

183
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:52,150
Yeah, but you know what I mean.
We've got all the minorities covered.

184
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,950
Are women a minority?

185
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:58,650
- You know what I mean.
- I don't know if we do, Terry.

186
00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:02,150
Oh, God, it's a minefield!
I'm just going to shut up.

187
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,950
Hey look, it's these guys.

188
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,800
Oh, shit.

189
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:10,850
Ah, evening ladies.

190
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:15,450
Yes, your catchphrase. It's
really good, it's very amusing.

191
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,450
Here they are, the Dirt Sharks.

192
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,450
- The what?
- You heard me.

193
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:23,450
Yes, we have reformed, we are
now known as The Dirt Sharks.

194
00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:25,450
Yuck.

195
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,450
I don't know why everyone has
such a problem with that name.

196
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:31,450
It was unanimously chosen from
a very attractive shortlist.

197
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,450
Mm, what were some of the others?

198
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,170
Dirt Surfers.

199
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:40,850
- It's Peter, isn't it?
- That's right.

200
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:45,450
We wondered if we might have a
word with you about your quest.

201
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,450
- Plane crash?
- Certainly.

202
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,440
In private, please.

203
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:54,450
These guys are all
helping to find the plane.

204
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:58,450
Any information you have is very
welcome and we'd all like to hear.

205
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,450
You do realise that you'll
have to have a licence

206
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:05,150
from the Ministry of Defence to dig
the site, even if you do find it, don't you?

207
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,450
It's all in hand. Thank you.

208
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:10,850
And you'll have to have a
Finds Liaison Officer present

209
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,650
to record any items of value?

210
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:15,750
Well, we're not expecting
to find any items of value.

211
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,450
- Oh, aren't you?
- No.

212
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,450
What are you getting at?

213
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:23,150
According to the Protection
of Military Remains Act 1986,

214
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,450
any crash site suspected of having...

215
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:27,700
Everything is done by the
book. You don't need to worry.

216
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,450
Thank you for your help.

217
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:33,750
- Goodnight.
- Night!

218
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,600
Wankers.

219
00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:41,450
Those two give me the willies.

220
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,950
- Rival club?
- Sophie used to spy for them.

221
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,550
Really? You didn't tell me about that.

222
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,450
Yes, and they won't let me forget it.

223
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:51,650
Their methods are... unsound.

224
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:53,450
Night Hawks.

225
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,450
You were a Night Hawk?

226
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:57,450
No, I was duped.

227
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,450
We rescued her from the dark side.

228
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:03,450
That's hilarious. I knew there was
something I didn't trust about you.

229
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,900
Shut up.

230
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,450
They're getting on well.

231
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:11,350
What, Sophie and Peter?
That'll never work.

232
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,650
- Why not?
- He's too old for her.

233
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:14,950
Is he?

234
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:17,850
I don't know, what's a
reasonable age difference?

235
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:21,050
- Well, sometimes ten years.
- What about 20?

236
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,450
- But he's not 20 years
older than her. - No, no.

237
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:28,650
- But... would 20 be too much?
- Yeah, probably. What are you talking about?

238
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,100
Nothing.

239
00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:39,450
You walking home?

240
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:42,450
Erm, Peter's giving me a lift.

241
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,450
You only live down the road.

242
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,170
Yeah.

243
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:52,450
Oh, it... Yeah, no... I know,
yeah. See you later then.

244
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:55,170
- Yeah, see you.
- Bye, Andy.

245
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:25,240
Better get this over and done with.

246
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:18,670
Russ!

247
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,570
- Urgh!
- What is it?

248
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:28,770
Look.

249
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:31,950
Oh, yeah.

250
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:34,450
I've seen a few of those scattered about.

251
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:37,150
All different colours.

252
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,640
Has that one been used?

253
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:43,450
It looks like it. It's got a knot in it.

254
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:44,970
Oh, yeah.

255
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,450
Well, I'm not touching it.

256
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,170
Neither am I.

257
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,770
Flick it off with a stick.

258
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,640
Can you get me a stick?

259
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,450
It was in his hair.

260
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:19,450
Seriously, it came out with
such force, it shot out

261
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:23,450
the back of his nappy, up his back
and it was all matted in his hair.

262
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:26,100
Had to tease it out with a comb.

263
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,450
Is this really an after-dinner story?

264
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:32,240
I've just had sticky toffee pudding.

265
00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:36,450
Do you want another drink?

266
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,550
- Er, maybe.
- Let's have another drink.

267
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:44,450
Do you remember what we used
to talk about before Stan?

268
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,450
You mean we didn't used to talk
about poo all the time?

269
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,500
Hardly ever.

270
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:54,450
We used to talk about the
future and what we wanted to do.

271
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,840
About our hopes and dreams.

272
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,450
- Can I tell you what gay
Martin said about VSO? - Ah.

273
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:04,450
Please, Andy, don't just
close your mind to this,

274
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,450
and don't just clam up.

275
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:09,050
If you are really against
this, I need to know why.

276
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:11,450
I've told you, I think Stan's too young.

277
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:14,150
How can we look after a
three-month-old baby in Africa?

278
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,750
- Africans manage it.
- You know what I mean.

279
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,450
I'm so scared, Andy, that now
we've had a baby that's it,

280
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,450
we're never going to do anything
brave or exciting ever again

281
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:25,500
because we're too nervous
about changing anything.

282
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,170
I don't get to see enough of Stan.

283
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:35,450
If we don't do this now,
we might never do it.

284
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:39,450
We need to be brave, both of us.

285
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:42,500
We both need to say,
"Fuck it, let's do this. "

286
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,500
- Yeah.
- Yeah?

287
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,450
Something to finish off?

288
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,450
Yes, please. I'd like a
Scotch, double, no ice.

289
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:53,450
- Sir?
- Erm,

290
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:57,050
just a decaffeinated
coffee, please, quite weak.

291
00:19:57,300 --> 00:20:00,800
Plenty of milk, but cold milk
so it's not too hot. Just tepid.

292
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,600
- Would you like a marshmallow with it?
- Oh, yes, please.

293
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,900
Let me show you what I found.

294
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:23,450
Toutswemogala Hill in Botswana.

295
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:26,450
They've been excavating an
Iron Age civilisation there

296
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:27,450
for the past five years.

297
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,450
They've just received
funding for a further year

298
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:33,450
and are recruiting new graduates
as field archaeologists.

299
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:34,970
And look.

300
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,450
The nearest town is 50km away,
so they've begun building

301
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:41,450
a village close to the
excavation site for the workers.

302
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:43,450
And they've set up a
school for the children,

303
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:46,500
and the school needs volunteers.

304
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:48,770
Well?

305
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:52,450
Yeah, it's... I dunno.

306
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:55,450
Look at it, Andy, it's
almost too good to be true.

307
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,450
Who'd look after Stan?

308
00:20:57,500 --> 00:20:59,450
We would. Both of us.

309
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,450
Be difficult without your mum about.

310
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,450
- You always moan when he goes to my mum's.
- She helps a lot.

311
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:06,450
Oh, you are such a hypocrite!

312
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,450
It's... it's not just that.

313
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,450
I mean, wouldn't we be mad to
risk it while you've got a job

314
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:13,500
and a steady income? It's
the only security we've got.

315
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:17,450
I gave in my notice.

316
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,450
What? When?

317
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:23,450
When I went back to work, I gave
in my notice at the same time.

318
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:26,500
I told them I was only going
to be there for one more term.

319
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,450
When were you going to tell me?

320
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:35,050
I... I didn't want to put
pressure on you finding a job.

321
00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:37,450
I was going to tell you
as soon as you got work.

322
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,450
But the weeks and months

323
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:41,500
are passing by and
you're still signing on.

324
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:46,450
Oh, no, wait. Oh, we're too late.

325
00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:48,970
Applications closed yesterday.

326
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:51,450
I know.

327
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:52,450
I've already applied for you.

328
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,450
You've got an interview on Tuesday.

329
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,450
Jeez, any more revelations?

330
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:58,450
Just go along and do the interview.

331
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:00,450
It'll be good practice.

332
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:04,370
And if you don't get it, nothing lost.

333
00:22:04,450 --> 00:22:07,650
- And if I do?
- Then we'll discuss it some more.

334
00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:11,900
Please! Please be brave.

335
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:18,450
- Madame, double scotch, no ice.
- Thank you.

336
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,450
And for you sir,

337
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:27,450
weak, mild, tepid, sweet,
decaffeinated coffee.

338
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:29,570
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.

339
00:22:34,500 --> 00:22:38,450
What? You don't think I
should have the marshmallow?

340
00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:41,170
You think it'll keep me awake?

341
00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,450
Africa, Botswana?

342
00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:01,700
No, Botswana Upon Thames.

343
00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:05,450
Bloody hell.

344
00:23:05,500 --> 00:23:09,450
Ridiculous, right? You can't
take a baby to Botswana.

345
00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:11,450
- How long for?
- A year.

346
00:23:11,500 --> 00:23:15,450
It's completely the wrong time, we
need to wait until Stanley's older.

347
00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:17,370
Sounds brilliant.

348
00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:19,450
What? Not you as well.

349
00:23:19,500 --> 00:23:22,450
Well, sounds right up your strasse.

350
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,450
Brushing the dirt with little brushes.

351
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:27,450
Why wouldn't you want to go for that?

352
00:23:27,500 --> 00:23:30,100
You can't wait to get rid of me.

353
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:32,450
Who would you go detecting with?

354
00:23:32,500 --> 00:23:34,450
Oh, don't worry about me.

355
00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:36,450
Anyway, I might not have quite

356
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:39,500
so much time to go detecting from now on.

357
00:23:40,450 --> 00:23:41,850
Why's that?

358
00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:46,450
Oh, nothing. You know, just... things.

359
00:23:46,500 --> 00:23:48,570
Other things going on.

360
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:51,500
Other people.

361
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:32,500
Hey. You remember old McWiffen?

362
00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:35,950
He used to wear period
costumes when he was detecting.

363
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,450
That's it.

364
00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:41,450
Swore he found more from the era
of the clothes he was wearing.

365
00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:46,500
Frock coat and periwig, he'd
find Georgian buckles and coins.

366
00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:50,700
Pops on a toga, Roman stuff.

367
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:53,450
You didn't want to see
him when he was searching

368
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:55,450
for prehistoric artefacts, though.

369
00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:59,050
- Tiny strip of rabbit fur.
- And he was a big bloke.

370
00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:02,450
You see Celebrity Mastermind?

371
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:05,450
Yeah, general knowledge
questions were a joke.

372
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,550
Oh. I didn't, I was out.

373
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,450
Like children's questions.

374
00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:12,250
Didn't see it. Went out with someone.

375
00:25:12,300 --> 00:25:14,250
General knowledge questions
on normal Mastermind

376
00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:16,550
...are well difficult.
- Nobody you'd know.

377
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,450
Why do celebrities get easier questions?

378
00:25:20,700 --> 00:25:24,450
- Mm? -Oh, for Christ's sake, mate,
I know you've been seeing someone.

379
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:26,450
I saw you, and Sophie saw you.

380
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:29,250
- When? -In a cafe when you said you
were going to be at the DIY shop

381
00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:32,050
...and in the park.
- So you've seen her?

382
00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:34,950
Yes, mate, so stop being
so fucking mysterious.

383
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:37,040
She's beautiful, isn't she?

384
00:25:37,500 --> 00:25:39,450
I haven't seen her close
up, I dunno, is she?

385
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,450
Yeah.

386
00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,840
- What's her name?
- Kate.

387
00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:47,550
- How many times have you seen her?
- Three times.

388
00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:50,440
And how old is she?

389
00:25:51,500 --> 00:25:53,340
22.

390
00:25:55,550 --> 00:25:58,650
- What? -What do you mean, "What?"
You know what.

391
00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:00,550
Isn't she a bit young for you?

392
00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:02,450
Nope.

393
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:04,450
She's exactly the right age.

394
00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:08,050
Argh! Stop speaking in riddles,
tell me what's going on!

395
00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:11,350
- She's my daughter!
- Right, thank you!

396
00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:19,500
- She's...
- No, no, no! I just need to...

397
00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:22,450
...process.

398
00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:24,950
- Your daughter?
- Yeah.

399
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,550
- That you knew about?
- Yes.

400
00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:30,250
And that you didn't tell me about?

401
00:26:30,300 --> 00:26:31,550
Why should I have done?

402
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,450
No reason, it's just a little thing.

403
00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:36,450
I only met her last week.

404
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,450
She looks just like her mother.

405
00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:41,370
Who's her mother?

406
00:26:41,500 --> 00:26:44,240
I only knew her a couple of months.

407
00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:48,370
She was about the age Kate is now.

408
00:26:49,500 --> 00:26:52,440
I fell for her - hook, line and sinker.

409
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,170
Summer fling.

410
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:58,650
Met a girl, spent the summer with her.

411
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,550
- Tell me more, tell me more, was
it love at first sight? - Mate!

412
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,650
- Trying to open up here.
- Sorry.

413
00:27:04,700 --> 00:27:06,500
Anyway...

414
00:27:07,300 --> 00:27:12,450
Come to the end of the summer,
she found out she was pregnant.

415
00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:15,450
Furious. Sawed my bed in half.

416
00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:18,050
- Sawed it in half?
- Chainsaw.

417
00:27:22,450 --> 00:27:24,750
- Lengthways?
- Across.

418
00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:29,450
Disappeared back to Ireland,
I never saw her again.

419
00:27:29,500 --> 00:27:31,350
And what? Kate found you?

420
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,500
Yeah, she e-mailed me last month.

421
00:27:35,500 --> 00:27:37,900
I always hoped she would.

422
00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:41,600
Mate, it's a brave new world.

423
00:27:43,300 --> 00:27:45,450
It's time to confront past mistakes.

424
00:27:45,500 --> 00:27:48,700
And I think you should take that job.

425
00:27:57,500 --> 00:28:01,350
So did the council come and
pick that up then? The bed.

426
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,800
I dismantled it in the end.
Take it up the dump.

427
00:28:07,500 --> 00:28:09,900
Took three trips.